How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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