btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
