i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
