Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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