apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
