i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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