dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
