There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
