i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Congratulations! We have a period
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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