I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
