I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Use "feeling words"
Yay
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
