the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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