I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
