someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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