just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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