so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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