if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
