Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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