When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
