Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
