If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
