can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
