you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
