I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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