the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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