Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My penis needs a shock collar
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
