i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
