On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
