i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
