I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
