The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
