she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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