I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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