I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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