Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
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just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
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It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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