I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
