i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
