What tipped you off? The sombrero?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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