I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
