Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
