She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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