Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
