just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
