remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
