i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
