what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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