Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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