end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
