I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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