I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
