Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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