Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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