So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
