nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
