You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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