no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
These tits shall not be calmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize