Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
