i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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