who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
