I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
