I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
