thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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