sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
