he was CRYING into my vagina
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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