As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
