Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
