I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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