I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
