I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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