i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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